I have spent a tremendous amount of time over the last several months listening to music chronicling the activities of a certain “Santa Clause”, and I do not mean to shock you with this statement, so I will give you a moment to absorb my scandalous music-listening activities.
            Okay, that’s all you get.
            I do not listen to such things of my own volition.  I would prefer spending my time doing something else.  Perhaps rigorous manual labor, or acupuncture. 
            Anyway, I have noticed something a little “off” about these songs.  They frequently mention the sorts of toys that Santa is likely to be bringing the precious lil’ tots, and by extension, that his elves are spending the year building, and I have to say, this stuff sounds a bit dated in the light of modern robot dinosaurs that prowl the floors with grace and a vicious AI built into them. 
            Now I understand that this sort of thing happens.  You write a song about the cutting edge toys in the 1950’s and BAM, a handful of decades later all the stuff you wrote about seems quaint and unfamiliar.  This is not a process we can stop, but I feel obligated to list a few toys you could write about in a song and get away with sounding current for a few years.  Here goes:
            -Legos: These intriguing little building blocks have been around for a while, and I do not seem them going anywhere anytime soon.  They seem to be keeping up with the times pretty neatly, and frankly, if you got me a box of these compulsive structural units for Christmas, I would be a very happy boy… er, man.
            -Action Figures: Keep it vague, folks, that’s the key.  Sure today’s action figures can carry out conversations with you, do your dishes, and come to life and engage in independent field-tactics while you aren’t around, so who knows what they will do in the future.  However if there is one thing that we have seen to be timeless it is mankind’s fascination with idolatry.  There will be action figures until the end of time.
            -Dolls: In the past, a doll might have been a porcelain Flapper with a hip-flask or a stuffed baby with the amazing ability to SHUT HER EYES when laid flat.  Over time dolls have transfigured from something used to instill a sense of motherhood into young girls and are increasingly becoming a tool to make them feel insecure about their appearance and become neurotically obsessed with the elusive concept of “beauty.”  No guy sees this as a bad thing.  Unless he happens to be the father of a teenage girl who is starving herself in the attempt to appear thinner.  Either way, its difficult to predict where dolls will go next.  No doubt they will continue to be variations on a theme using technology and the like to simulate other things young girls should strive for.  Betty Barf might instruct girls in the fine art of sticking their finger down their throat in order to purge themselves from the two carmello’s they just scarfed down.  However the inclusion of the word “doll” in a song about toys should probably be good for at least another ten years.
            -Stuffed Animals: by far the cuddliest of the iconic trifecta, stuffed animals seem to have a way of sticking around, and probably always will.  They are just so darn cute!
            -Remote controlled vehicles:  No boy can resist the siren call of a monster truck he can slam around the backyard until the dog chases it down and chews it up.  Once again, I see this technology improving yearly, but I seriously doubt its going anywhere anytime soon.
            -Sports equipment:  Lets face it, we are a nation built on our dedication to sports.  The games Girdy watches on television every spare moment of every day have been around since the Pilgrims pulled up on Plymouth Rock and inflated a sheep’s bladder for kicks.  I seriously doubt they change anytime soon.
            -Costumes: I can say with the firm assurance of a faux expert that children’s play is largely consistent of them copying adult activities as they learn social skills.  On of their favorite things to do is to dress up in costumes and pretend to be whatever that costume implies.  This will always be the case, so I feel confident they will always want dress-up clothes.  And if someone wanted to get me a Spider-Man costume this Christmas, I wouldn’t say no!  Ha ha… just kidding (maybe…).
            Okay, I am out of thoughts.  Take note musicians of today.  As you compose that song that I will have to listen to fifty years from now, just be sure not to make me embarrassed in front of my grandchildren that I was FROM this day and age!

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