Seeing how Girdy/Herman is the official ticket of ‘none of the above,’ and less than half of all eligible voters will use that privilege, it is quite clear that Girdy has won a large number of local and national elections. I am still waiting to see how many actual write in votes the Girdy/Herman ticket was awarded. Even if half of all eligible voters did find their way to the polls, the number of elections that are won by close to 50% of the electorate would still hand the election over to the ‘none of the above’ candidate. This officially puts Girdy in office.

Herman could not be reached for comment since he would have to be heavier than a key on the keyboard in order to use a computer keyboard and, therefore, is unable to use an email account. I’ve been informed, in my congratulatory call to Girdy, that Herman will be find a laser keyboard under the tree this Christmas. After all, Jesus came for the cockroaches too. Until then, Herman will have to rely on his secretary to answer his gigabytes of fan mail. Other candidates have wasted the people’s tax money on far worse with less cause.

Girdy, whether or not he knows it, is thankful that so many people remembered him in not going to the polls this election cycle. In the future, his campaign ideas like giving viewers additional time in their favorite programs instead of commercials may be staples of every campaign. You will note that Girdy/Herman did not assault the voters with anything from Email Marketing through newspaper advertisements to television commercials. It is the official stance of the non-campaign I ran that people would like to have fewer advertisements in their lives. Giving the people what they want is, as you have shown in this election, a good way to win almost every election from coast to coast.

Over the next week, Girdy will be finding out how many offices he will be elected to. Since he and Herman can use a single office, the expense of government will go down drastically. Girdy and Herman will use a single staff to do what the state and federal governments have been paying hundreds of separate staffs to do. That is thousands of people who will not longer be on the public payroll. Look to see them working in finer Wal Marts everywhere. With the cuts in expenses, you will be able to afford to make more trips to your friendly discount stores, so they will need the extra employees.

In conclusion, let me thank you for throwing so many votes away in writing in Girdy on your ballots in this election. You have done the right thing and taught the politicians a good lesson. No longer will the people pay for hundreds of people who sit in huge offices at taxpayer expense when they can just hire one Girdy and Herman to do the same amount of squandering. Maybe we will have better candidates in the next election. Until then, you will always have Girdy and Herman in office.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 at 12:01 am and is filed under Mulligan Adventures. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.