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joel

Nicholas Christopher Cringle — Patron Saint of Capitalism

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 by joel

A few observations about a certain Mr. Claus: the guy knows how to get immortalized. What I mean is this: we are all destined to die. That being the case, it is a fact that many people yearn to do something within their lifetime that is so meaningful that the tale of them, their deed, or something personal they have left behind spreads among the people so as to preserve something of themselves after they have shuffled off the mortal coil.
On the scale of immortalization, the guy who first said “Working hard? Or hardly working?� rates probably at the very bottom, just beneath the guy who wrote the song “On Top of Spaghetti all Covered with Cheese.� I mean their works will be remembered, but they convey nothing profound about the person who wrote them, and are, indeed, somewhat annoying.
I am not saying Santa doesn’t annoy some people, but GEEZ! The guy gave out some hand-crafted toys to some penniless children in his cold, northern European town, and he was:
1.) Sainted by the Catholic Church
2.) Memorialized in countless songs and poems
3.) Honored in effigy nearly world-wide
4.) Practically worshiped in western culture
5.) Loved by billions of children
6.) Portrayed in many well-loved films
7.) Superceding Jesus Christ for favor of the biggest western holiday ever.
And we aren’t talking a James Dean, here. This guy wasn’t young, vital, strong, handsome, and a chick magnet in his immortality. He was an old, short, bald, fat guy. Yet he’s so ridiculously famous and iconic, its nearly sickening.
Now I must grant you that, much like John Henry, the legend has somewhat overshadowed the actual man. Some things about the Santa mythos may be exaggerated. It’s likely, for example, that he lived somewhat south of the North Pole. And being that his example was one of quietly giving selflessly in the still of the night, its possible he might not have even desired the level or type of fame that he’s received.
Being that he was sainted, he may have even been a man with religious leanings. This being so, we might assume that he may not have chosen to rival the Christ for ownership of the Christmas season.
Nevertheless, this saintly and humble giver of children’s playthings has become the perfect embodiment of capitalist culture. He stands, short and pudgy, as the symbol of the acquisition of stuff, spurring on the economy with a season of caution-to-the-wind spending where the job industry rises, paychecks yield fat bonuses, and all the stores are offering Christmas Discounts because the money’s a-flowing freely.
Now far be it for me to denounce this as a bad thing. Doubtless that without the Christmas boost, our economy would slowly sink into some abysmal chasm and America would collapse as a superpower. And certainly we would not HAVE to have a capitalistic society if people’s selfishness didn’t keep communism from working out properly as a governing system. So, in a way, Christmas actually uses people’s selfish nature to HELP society for once.

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