Because of some recent events, I am going to have little time in coming weeks to write articles or draw comics. In preparation for this time of busy-ness, I am going to write a bunch of EXTREMELY short articles about whatever pops to the top of my head.
So. I am closing my eyes, and now I am thinking. Okay (and I truly hope there are no psychiatrists reading this, ready with their Rorschachial knowledge to diagnose my neurosis) the first thing that popped to my head was peacocks. Forced to run with this admittedly limited topic, I ask what is their purpose? They could be decorative, I suppose. French nobles were known to keep them pecking around the courtyards for just such a reason. The drawback to THAT, besides making you look like a dandy, or, you know, a Frenchman, is that peacocks only vocal capability is to let out what sounds like a blood-curdling scream.
True story. I was jogging along the road one day. As I passed a particular house, I heard what sounded like a woman or a child screaming bloody murder. I ran frantically the help whoever it was, and found myself looking at a potential NBC mascot. So I ask you, what kind of bird attracts a mate like THAT?
The true affront I suffer from the rigid claw of the peacock is that, like most birds, the peacock male is the fellow with the huge, colorful tail, while the female peacock is, shall we say, a bit plainer. Now I understand the science behind this. The male has to attract a mate, so he’s a walking target, while the female has to sit on and guard the eggs, so she’s all camouflaged. Still, it’s a blow to us guys.
And while we’re on that subject (you should see my outline for this article… so neat and orderly, it would do me proud) what’s the deal with insects? The female insect is always huge and venomous and fully capable of kicking a little tail, while the male insect is a soft-shelled little wuss capable only of fertilization before he’s either eaten or dies in the act. I ask the question fully knowing that the answer is that only one insect is needed to bear, lay, and protect eggs. This being the case, the female insect is fully loaded, and the male just hangs around for one purpose only. But with stats like that, why not just build both sex organs into the one creature and call it quits?
Needless to say, I am glad to be a guy mammal and have the purpose of guarding my territory and defending my seed. And glancing back over this article, it makes me glad that these things are so rarely read.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 23rd, 2005 at 1:18 am and is filed under Quiver. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.