I have watched the shows. I have done the reading. I know what the conspiracy theororists are saying, and now I pass that knowledge on to you, in extremely abbreviated format.

While there are a number of extraterrestrials out there, they’re only three that we need to be concerned about. The first is a transcendent race that lives somewhere on a spiritual plane. They are watching us, assisting our race in making certain leaps in ideology/technology that will eventually lead us to their level of transcendence. Think 2001: A Space Odyssey. Transcendence, by the way, can be had simply by learning to breathe in a certain way. Now you know. While this race is probably responsible for such things as pyramids, Stonehenges, crop circles and the like, they are not our primary concern. Who wants transcendent galactic truth, anyway? Let’s move on.

The other two races are somehow connected to each other. We call ‘em ‘Grays’ for the same reason we call super-dense spatial anomalies ‘Black Holes’: we have no imagination. This, by the way, explains why aliens had to build all our ancient monuments for us. Anyways, Grays, which I believe come to us from out of Orion’s Belt, are a race of intellectuals, incapable of comprehending emotions or other such trivialities that let other alien species transcend. That’s right, human, feel bad because you are on the bottom of the dog-pile of the universe.

It just so happens that the utter reliance on intellect, science, and technology has crippled the Grays to the point that they are sterile and cannot reproduce. So they come to earth to try to continue their races existence by borrowing our pure genetic material to make up for holes in theirs.

Our government hooked up with the Grays, making the following agreement: the USA government would provide Grays with organic samples they need in exchange for super-cool galactic technology. Apparently the Grays are about as adherent to that treaty as white men were to their treaties with the Indians. It would serve us right if Indians weren’t, you know, part of the overall race being victimized here.

Let’s see, what did I leave out? Oh, the two types of Grays are a taller, humanoid looking one, and a shorter more traditional alien looking one. Apparently all races mentioned originate from the same genetic material, and then evolution just took us in different directions (influenced, of course, by our spiritual Chi). Grays travel the vast distances between the stars by using ships that project their own gravitational fields cheating the laws of mass that keep us traveling at faster than light speeds.
Yes, everything I just wrote comes from what certain groups of people actually believe. My sources are the ‘documentaries’ on UFO’s I watch on educational television, the X-files, and a book entitled Nothing in This Book Is True, But it’s Exactly How Things Are, by Bob Frissell.