You awake in the middle in the night to the sound of screams and sirens. The Umbrella Corporation has screwed up again or a nameless company has released the RAGE virus or whatever was happening in Dawn of the Dead. What do you do to defend yourself? Will you barricade the door and try to wait them out? Do you burst out of your room and fight your way to safety? Or do you go back to bed?

The first thing everyone wants to know is the weapon choice. Most of the participants that we asked wanted a stereotypical gun that belonged in a Rambo flick.. While the gun nuts gave a  detailed description of their choice gun and then showed us. Few choose any melee weapon with the exception of Joel, Mike, Jayson and some creepy guy in Giant.

Joel “the Spider� Furches chose to use a Flaming mace. Why a flaming mace? Because Joel has spent a lot of time in the roleplaying universe and believes that it will do regular damage plus and extra D12 damage because of the fire. When in Reality we all know that it only deals an extra D8. Sorry Joel your idea was extinguished.

Mike “The Black Hole� had a more unique method of zombie combat. His first defense against the undead abominations is an old computer monitor properly labeled “incase of zombie attack smash over its head.� Of course this only gets the first one. Mike understood this and revealed plan two, a lighter and can of Lysol. Though this does kill the zombies, it also makes flaming zombies, or “zombies jubilee�. A flaming zombie is like a chipmunk with a hand gun, originally harmless now an unstoppable killing machine.

Jayson’s idea was by far the most original and greatest choice I’d heard. He choose to use a suit of armor providing defense and an armored fist. A zombie can bite through leather, skin, and most other fabrics, but not metal. Sure it would cumbersome and heavy but if you get tired just lye down and take a nap. It is the equivalent a “God Mode� cheat for any game. Why didn’t anyone hide in a Mid-Evil times restaurant? You’d be set for the ordeal with chainmail, food, and non-flaming weapons.

 That’s it for this edition of Demonic Attack Prep 101. If you ever have a question as to whether it’s a zombie or not remember this saying: 

Pale and white

It ain’t right

Warm and pink

…. shoot it anyway just to be safe. 

People always lye if they’ve been bitten or not even when it’s blatantly obvious they’re infected.

Next class

Identification: how to tell whether it’s a zombie or a chipmunk with a handgun.

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